God is love... Love keeps no record of wrongs

Sunday, February 10, 2013

God is love. 

If that's true, then Paul's famous hymn of love in first Corinthians 13 can be read like this:

God is patient, God is kind. 
God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud.  

God does not dishonor others, God is not self-seeking, 
God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs.  

God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  

God always protects, 
always trusts, 
always hopes, 
always perseveres.
 
God never fails. 

Wow. God does not envy? God does not boast? That might make us reconsider some of the songs we sing to him on Sunday morning then. God does not boast.

God keeps no record of wrongs? Do we dare to just sit and let that be, without immediately protesting "yes, but..." Can we simply allow God to love all of who we are (and all of everyone else!), no matter how broken, ugly and helpless we may feel? God keeps no record of wrongs. Selah.

Why is it so hard for us to accept that this is what God is like? Is it that we do not really believe with Paul that "love never fails"? Do we think that we should try love... until it fails and then pick up our swords? 

When Paul talks about us trusting, hoping, and persevering, what that means is that we are trusting in the way of love, hoping for the victory of love, persevering through the means of love, and we can have that hope, perseverance, and trust because love never fails

That does not mean we sit passively and accept abuse. Because, as Paul says here, love always protects. But it protects through the means of love, by "overcoming evil with good, instead of being overcome by evil" (Romans 12:21).

Right after John declares that God is love, he tells us that God demonstrated that love for us in Jesus. That's our model, seen in God revealed in Christ. That's why we are supposed to have Jesus-shaped lives too. "Dear friends" John writes, "since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." (1 Jn 4:9-12). No one has ever seen God, but we know too that God looks like Jesus. When we love, we make the invisible God visible.

So don't listen to those toxic voices that say love is not enough, that promote fear. As John says "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." Fear and punishment here are set up as polar opposites of God's very nature. Sit with that a moment. It's so important that we get that deep down in our bones. There is no fear in love. God is love. God drives out fear. The closer you are to God, the further you will be from fear and punishment. To the extent that we embrace fear and punishment, we push God out.

"If we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us" John says. God's love is made complete in us when we do not envy, because God does not envy. God's love is made complete in us when we keep no record of wrongs, because God keeps no record of wrongsWhen we truly understand what love looks like, then we understand what God looks like. God is love.

So we trust in love, hope for love, and persevere in love. But since God is love that equally means that God believes in you, God has hopes for you, God relentlessly perseveres for you, and of course it goes with out saying that God loves you. And that love never fails.

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Realistic Nonviolence #4: Why governments are not nonviolent (and how to change that)

Friday, January 25, 2013

This post is part of a continuing  series on practical nonviolence. Read the first post here


Pacifism is often understood in terms of a refusal to commit violence and/or a refusal to kill. Pacifists then lament that governments refuse to adopt pacifism. I want to propose two of the main reasons why they do and how we can get past them.

Reason #1: Viable Alternatives

The first reason is that we need to provide viable alternatives. If we don't, we can't expect anyone to listen.

Take for example corporal punishment in schools: This practice has been banned in most states, but was common in the past. You can imagine that at first teachers would have been at a loss for how to keep order in the classroom without the use of physical punishment. So what can they do instead?

If we are talking about little kids then you can give them a "time out" for instance However, educators found that this can also be harmful when it shames children. So they moved away from saying "you are bad" to addressing behavior. They learned to kneel down to eye-level when speaking with kids, say "following directions" instead of "obedience," speak with a calm voice instead of yelling, and started calling time-outs a "thinking chair" instead.

Now all of this constitutes a major paradigm shift: Most of us think the goal of discipline or punishment is to make the child feel bad -- to give them a negative and unpleasant consequence -- in order to "teach them a lesson." This is often the case, regardless of whether or not physical punishment is used. As a result,  a time out -- even though it does not involve any physical violence -- can have the effect of making a child feel abandoned, rejected, and shamed. It still harms; it still damages.

So educators recognized the need not only to avoid violence, but to avoid harm. That meant re-thinking what the goal of discipline was. If it's not the goal of a time-out to make the kid feel bad, what is the goal?

The goal of a time-out is quite modest: It is simply a way to diffuse a situation, to get the kid into another environment so they can calm down. Once they are calm, depending on the situation, they might just go back to the group, or if there was a conflict then the teacher could help them to work it out with the other kid(s).

Long story short: If we want to ask people to stop being violent, then we need to provide a viable alternative. And here's the moral of the story: This will often involve more than just "less violence" (we stop hitting, but our goal is still to cause pain), and instead involve a paradigm shift that addresses the issue (a student disrupting the class in this example) in a way that does not harm them (either physically or emotionally).

The fact is, government has adopted nonviolent policies in regards to school discipline. So it just is not true that government wont ever adopt nonviolent policies. They already have in many many areas. This is a really big deal because for centuries it was common practice to beat kids in school. 

Now, if we want our government/society to become less violent in other areas, then we need to provide viable alternatives that effectively address the needs involved.

Reason #2: The Wrong Medicine

This brings us to the second reason that government/society does not adopt nonviolence. We provide them with an alternative, but it's the wrong one.

When we think of the government adopting pacifism, the first thing that comes to mind is war, and the first pacifist method that comes to mind is turning the other cheek. Now if this is understood simply as "letting yourself be wronged" then it is clear why governments wont adopt it: It would be like saying to to a doctor "just let the patients die." We can't expect a society not to protect its people.

So instead we might appeal to how Martin Luther King effectively used nonviolent resistance (which is basically the application of turning the other cheek applied on a mass scale) in the civil rights movement as a way they could adopt. This was not just "doing nothing," it was a powerful means of exposing injustice. So could governments adopt this?

I would say no. Here's why:

In the situation of Gandhi and King, the power dynamics were of a weaker party being wronged by the one in power. Turning the other cheek here has the effect of exposing injustice in the eyes of the community. It humanizes the victim, making them visible, bringing the injustice into the open. It thus reveals that the one in authority is being unjust. The perception is shifted here so that the one in authority is shown to be in the wrong, and the weaker one is vindicated.

Now if we reverse this power dynamic so that the one in authority is turning the other cheek, this no longer works. It does not work because we already assume that the one in authority (the police, for example) is just, and the weaker one (the criminal) is in the wrong. So there is no need to shift perception in this way.

Now that does not mean that we can do nothing about this, but it does mean that we cannot simply adopt the "turning the other cheek" approach and apply it to crime or international conflict. We need to identify the harmful dynamic and act to reverse it.

For example with violent crime, the offender needs to learn to develop empathy. This can happen by them gaining insight into their patterns of behavior and thinking, teaching them to recognize the harm they cause from the perspective of their victims. Rather than seeing things from the perspective of self only, they gain insight to see the other. 

This approach has been shown to be effective in reducing violent crime, and is increasingly being adopted within the prison system. In contrast, simply incarcerating a person actually increases their potential for violence once they are released. So again, this presents a viable and effective alternative to a system of punishment that not only harms them, but harms all of us because it fails to reform them, this making all of us unsafe. It is not wide spread, but it is currently being adopted by our government, and as people are seeing that it works, this is growing. Compared to corporal punishment in schools however, restorative justice programs in the criminal justice system are in their infancy and we still adopt a punitive model for the most part.

The moral here is that there is a real alternative to causing harm, but it is not applying "turning the other cheek,"  and instead employs principles of restorative justice.

With war, the application would be in helping nations to engage in conflict negotiation and resolution. Again, this involves a shift in perspective from "us/them" thinking to "us" thinking: What are our respective needs, and how can we work to meet them? This is also currently employed. Of course war -- and in particular war conducted by the USA's, which gets into issues of big money -- is beyond the scope of this post (the cover article of this months Sojourners addresses this, and is worth a read). But we can see that there are ways to address international conflict between nations nonviolently, and that this does not involve nonviolent resistance. Here I would refer readers interested in digging deeper in to this to the work of Glen Stassen and his Just Peacemaking criteria. Stassen proposes 10 strategies for addressing international conflict peacefully, which I have written about here.

Conclusion: Defining Nonviolence

Now I realize that there is much more that could be said here. This really only scratches the surface. For example, I have not addressed the question of what to do when an individual or a country is attacked. I'll need to leave that for a future post. For now I want to do two things: 

First I want to again stress that pacifism must be practical.  
We need to provide real working alternative to violence and harm. The world is willing to listen if we can provide them will real answers that address how to effectively deal with situations nonviolently. In fact it already does this in many areas of society. So when pacifists act as if government is simply "evil" this is simply unfair since we can see that in many places people working in the public sphere are already using nonviolent means -- including educators, health care workers, law enforcemvent. More importantly perhaps is the fact that thinking of government as evil creates an "us/them" divide which is the very thing we should be working not to do.

Second, I want to define nonviolence. 
 If you pick up a book on nonviolence, 9 times out of 10, its focus will be on nonviolent resistance, as practiced by Gandhi and Martin Luther King. As explained above, nonviolent resistance can be very effective when applied in the appropriate context, and it can equally be ineffective and morally irresponsible in others. So we need to understand how it works in order to understand how (and where) to effectively apply it. Likewise, we need to employ other nonviolent techniques where nonviolent resistance is inappropriate.

Because nonviolent resistance is a context specific technique among many,  it is therefore a mistake to think that nonviolence is synonymous with  nonviolent resistance. It simply is not. The larger principle of nonviolence is the desire to find ways to solve problems without causing harm. There are many ways to do this depending on the situation, however it is also vital to understand that nonviolence is not simply the refusal to harm, but also involves the alternative means to address the need. 

The big picture here of how nonviolence works is one of de-escaltion, of reversing hurtful dynamics. My kids like to say it's about "turning bad guys into good guys."  So nonviolence is a way to solve problems without causing harm which works by turning negative situations into positive ones. In short: it's about restorative justice, about fixing stuff that's broken, about acting to heal. It's not just the about not causing harm (that's a good start!), but actively doing good and working to repair harm. 

So returning to the two reasons that government/society does not accept nonviolence, stated at the beginning of this post: (1) we need to present viable alternatives, and (2) we need to realize that this does not only mean applying the techniques of Gandhi and King, but instead will involve many different means. 

This of course will involve a lot of work, but I'd propose that this is a good place to start. A big part of this is getting people to change the way they think. For the longest time we though that the only way to raise good kids was to hit them. Most of us don't think that anymore. But when it comes to crime we still do believe in punishment. Same with war. So there's a lot of work to do to help people to see things differently. We do that by showing better ways to solve problems and mend wrong. As messed up as our world is, it does seem to be getting betters slowly. All in all, we treat people more humanly than we did 100 or even 50 years ago. Nonviolent techniques are becoming more and more widespread and integrated into society. More and more people are seeing this. It's still in it's infancy, but baby steps are good when you're a baby.


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Faith Based on Love Not Fear (Joshua Tongol)

Saturday, January 12, 2013

My friend Joshua Tongol just made a new video on the critical difference between basing your faith on love instead of fear.

Really, really, good stuff. Give it a watch:


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Realistic Nonviolence #3: Neuroscience and the Mind of Christ

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

This post is part of a continuing  series on practical nonviolence. Read the first post here

In my previous post (post #2), I broadly defined the core of nonviolence and enemy love as a change from a self-focused perspective to a relational perspective. It's about thinking socially, about understanding ourselves as social beings, about the logic of compassion.

As I did last time, I'd like to give a practical application for how we can apply nonviolence and enemy love in our lives. In particular, I'd like to discuss how we can break out of a hostile and defensive mindset, and regain a social perspective.

That's particularly hard to do when we in the middle of a conflict. When we're in conflict -- whether or not that conflict is violent -- our perspective changes. It goes from a social orientation to a defensive one. It becomes me against you (or on a larger scale, our group/nation/religion vs. the other).

Think about what it's like when you're in conflict with a loved one: When we're feeling emotionally threatened, we go into defensive mode. When we're in the middle of conflict, all we can see is our own perspective, all we can think about is defending our "rights." 
So even if the one we are in conflict with is someone we love, our thinking changes to be us against them. We go into "defense mode" and tragical and ironically end up hurting the very ones we love. Sadly we all know pattern all too well:  When we feel threatened, we close off or say hurtful things we later wish we could take back.

So I find that while I want to follow Jesus' way of enemy love, I can hardly manage to do this with my loved ones, let alone with a real "enemy." What's going on? Why is it that we can so easily "switch" from being relational to being self-focused when we're in a fight?

Part of the problem is that family is everyone's Achilles heel. There is no place that you are quite as vulnerable. That's good in the sense that we can receive a lot of love there, but it also means we can easily get emotionally triggered in that setting as well.

So it's understandable that we have very real conflicts with our parents, our kids, our spouses.  Nevertheless, the question remains: How can we break out of those conflicts? What can we do to reverse those hurtful dynamics in our relationships? What can we do to get back to the social compassionate perspective, rather than getting instantly sucked into a "me-focus" when things get tense, and we feel emotionally threatened?

I'd like to suggest that new research in neuroscience can give us some really important insights into what's going on here, and how we can learn to break out of that destructive self-focus:
When we are triggered in an argument, feeling flooded and emotionally threatened, this activates the amygdala, which is the part of the brain involved in the processing of raw emotions such as anger and fear. The amygdala is essentially the brain's watchtower, and when it is fired up in alarm mode, it sends out neurochemicals which effectively shut down the prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex is the part of your brain associated with things like relational connection, empathy, impulse control, self-reflection, moral judgement and conscience -- in short, the part of your brain in charge of what we might call the social-self.

The brain's "shut-down" function has a practical survival function: It means that when we are in danger our brain kicks into alarm mode which can save our life. But it also means that when we get triggered in a argument with a loved one, the smart and compassionate part of our brain is temporarily turned off, which can make us do thoughtless and hurtful things.

So there's a very real reason neurologically that we become so self-focused in a fight. It's not a reflection of our character, so much as it is a kind of brain reflex based on a perceived threat. When we are unaware of this, we can get swept up in those feelings. But once we recognize what is happening, we can address what's going on in us. This involves a two-step process:

The first step is to recognize what is going on in our bodies. The part of our brain in charge of making good judgments has been temporarily shut down by our amygdala. Paul was very likely observing this dynamic when he contrasted the "flesh" with the "fruits of the Spirit." What we can now better understand from brain science is that this "fleshly" reaction of self-focused anger and fear in us is not something evil or bad in itself.  It's a protective reflex of the brain. This can be life-saving when we are in actual danger, but becomes dysfunctional when emotional reactivity makes us see an "enemy" in a loved one. It's a good thing that is out of balance.

This brings us to the second step: We need to have the maturity and humility to recognize that because we are emotionally triggered, we may need to allow time for our social brain to come back online. We might compare this to having the maturity to recognize when you've had too much to drink, and handing over your car keys. Similarly, when we're "under the influence" of the amygdala, we need to recognize that the smart and social part of our brain is impaired, and consequently have the maturity so let it wait, to cool down first.

There's a temptation here to simplify the above equation, focusing on only one of the above two points: Some may want to stress the fact that the "flesh" of emotional reactivity is an involuntary bodily reaction which is not our conscious choice, and therefore argue that it is "not our fault." Others will stress the opposite point, arguing that we need to take charge of our ingrained behavioral patterns and feelings. The reality is that both are true at the same time. We therefore need to have a complex and integrated understanding of how these two seemingly opposed factors work in tandem:

On the one hand, understanding what is going on in our brains means we do not need to beat ourselves up about it. This is our body's unconscious involuntary reaction to feeling emotionally threatened, separated, insecure. Understanding what is going on in us can be comforting and normalizing. These are not bad choices we are making. In fact, they are not choices at all; they are involuntary reactions to a perceived threat. The thinking and social part of our brain has literally been shut down by our brain's panic center.

We can't help how we feel, but we can learn to mange what we do with those feelings, so we are not driven by emotional reactivity. Simply realizing that our thinking and social-self is impaired is not enough however. Instead, we need to learn to recognize when we are flooded with reactive emotion, and exercise the maturity, humility and responsibility to wait until we can cool off and think socially again.

Noticing when we are emotionally triggered is a really important step towards not being driven by our amygdala. It also helps to name what is going on in us, saying something like "I'm feeling really triggered right now, and need some time." When we do this we are engaging the thinking and social part of our brains, and the more we do that, the more our brain will strengthen those neural connections. This is a concept known as neuroplasticity, which refers the brain's ability to change itself based on our experiences. Paul tells us that as we walk in this way of the Spirit, we will be "transformed by the renewing of our minds" and that's exactly what our brain does. Amazingly, our brain actually structurally changes, based on the input it receives, creating new synaptic linkages and even growing new neurons. This means that, as we learn to engage our thinking and social prefrontal cortex in times of stress, our brain re-wires itself over time to be more naturally compassionate and social, and less driven by our "carnal" reactive emotions.

Of course it's never easy to change old patterns. It involves humility and hard work. But hopefully, understanding how our minds work can help us get a little closer to having the "mind of Christ" as we learn to follow in that way.

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